Do you ever get to feeling so frustrated and so helpless with life and with the people in your life?!?!
My Sanguine side loves to socialize, to be with people, to have fun. My Melancholic side likes to observe people, likes to feel appreciated, and wants people to live up to expectations. It isn't too hard to satiate my Sanguine side at school, but when it is mixed with my Melancholic traits... that's when I feel about ready to tear my hair out!!!!!!! How can I engage in conversation with 50 people in a day and come away feeling so very alone?! Why do I feel like I'm putting on an act and nobody really knows who I am?!?!
I suppose it's my sensitive nature that makes some people seem callous. I try very hard, but sometimes I feel so unknown, unwanted, unappreciated.... just UN! I don't feel like I have a niche and, although I do love to get along with everyone like I generally do, it would be nice to have a close friend who understood me, who would be there for me. I do have at least one such, but she's not here at present. And so I must content myself with doing things with all various people, but never the same person or people on a regular basis. It all seems very superficial, though perhaps it isn't quite as it seems. It makes me wonder if I'd leave a gap at all if I were to die tomorrow.
Ah, well. Such is life. Although this feeling seems to be closing in on me more and more frequently of late, I'm sure that it too will pass in time. I just had to vent, but didn't want to bother anybody..... at least if you've read this post, you've done it of your own free will and not because you couldn't get me to shut up, right?? ;)
Maybe tomorrow my Sanguine will win out and I won't be too bothered by the slew of thoughts that seems to follow everything. Or if my Sanguine didn't show through at all, that might be okay too. I'll see if I can't just live life one day at a time and avoid getting complicated like this! Thanks for bearing with me - I guess it's my Sanguine once again that wants to get the Melancholy off my chest! ;) ........enough for now, though.